Hell's Grannies

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Joined: Aug 24, 2007
Posts: 5486

PostPosted: Fri Sep 13, 2013 7:12 pm    Post subject: 'Granny Hooks A Crook'

Granny Hooks A Crook (Fuchsia, Minnesota) [Kindle Edition]
Julie Seedorf (Author)
Book Description
Granny leads a secret life in the small, unique community of Fuschia, Minnesota.
It’s not just her all junk food diet, multiplying pets, or her shocking bedtime attire that makes Granny one in a million.
No, Granny is an undercover cop,
charged by “the Big Guy” (the town’s police chief)
of preventing theft in local stores.
Granny takes her job seriously and daily foils many shoplifters using her trusty spiked umbrella and amazing acting skills.
When some startlingly brazen burglaries
begin to occur that Granny can’t solve, along with mysteriously appearing bad guys, disappearing clerks, and misplaced Corvettes, Granny begins to wonder if she isn’t ready for the wrinkle farm. Maybe, it’s fortuitous when she accidentally-on-purpose
falls in the lap of an attractive older gentleman
who is soon roped into her wild adventures,
as they try to figure out what’s happening in their little town.
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Posts: 5486

PostPosted: Sat Sep 21, 2013 4:34 pm    Post subject: Yee Haw ! Memaw 'Wacked an Alien'

Grandma Wacked an Alien (PTA) [Kindle Edition]
D. H. Moore (Author
Book Description
Seriously? You've just read the title.
What do you think the story is about?
Fine. I'll give you a little more detail.
The story is about -----------Censored-------------
--------- and that is my story, and I'm keeping with it--Clipto.
(Due to inflammatory political view points put forth in this book,
the Intergalactic League
does not suggest the reading of this material.)
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Posts: 5486

PostPosted: Sat Oct 19, 2013 12:41 pm    Post subject: 'Granpa Guff and the Pasta Wars'

Granpa Guff and the Pasta Wars
(The unbelievable adventures of Granpa Guff) [Kindle Edition]
G. Guff (Author)
Book Description
Book number two in the unbelievable
adventures of Granpa Guff series,
co authored by Americas grumpiest teller of tall tales.
Find out how the Italians really conquered America,
where exactly the phrase
"its raining cats and dogs" was invented
and what that delicious Hotdog you're eating
is made from.
The definitive history of the Pasta wars.
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Joined: Aug 24, 2007
Posts: 5486

PostPosted: Mon Nov 04, 2013 3:36 am    Post subject: HurricaneHazel,Hockey player

[ffwd 2:30]
RMR: Welcome to Mississauga
Uploaded on Feb 26, 2009
Out and about in the City of Mississauga with Mayor Hazel McCallion.
- - -
Hazel McCallion
From Wikipedia,arch 2012)
Hazel McCallion, née Journeaux, CM (born February 14, 1921
is the mayor of Mississauga, Ontario. McCallion has been Mississauga's mayor for 34 years, holding office since 1978.
She is affectionately called "Hurricane Hazel"
by supporters and the media at large for her vibrant, outspoken style of no-nonsense politics.[1]
She is one of Canada's best-known and longest-serving mayors, and one of the longest-serving elected leaders in history.
Now aged 92, she was easily re-elected in October 2010
for her 12th consecutive term,
holding a 76% majority of the votes,
and has often been re-elected without conducting a campaign.
She has been voted the second most popular mayor in the world and was made a Member of the Order of Canada in 2005.[2]
She is also a Member of the Order of Merit of the Federal Republic of Germany.[3]...
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Joined: Aug 24, 2007
Posts: 5486

PostPosted: Thu Dec 05, 2013 12:40 pm    Post subject: Ena, Minnie...

Ena, Minnie and Martha - The Coronation Street Collection 4 of 7
Right back at the very beginning
the snug of The Rovers Return was dominated
by the mighty Ena Sharples,
who sat in court with her two closest friends,
the gentle Minnie Caldwell and the waspish Martha Longhurst.
These three women epitomised the formula
that defined Coronation Street from day one:
a mix of drama, comedy and at times tragedy.
Here we get to relive some of the trio's finest moments.
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Joined: Aug 24, 2007
Posts: 5486

PostPosted: Sat Jan 18, 2014 4:18 am    Post subject: pistol packing MeMaw


You’re a sick senior citizen and the
government says they are going to sell
your house to pay for your nursing care.
So what do you do?

Our plan gives anyone 65 years or older
a gun and 4 bullets.
You are allowed to
shoot four politicians.

Of course, this means you will be sent
to prison.…. where you will get three meals
a day, a roof over your head, central heating,
air conditioning and all the health care
you need!

Need new teeth? No problem.
Need glasses? That’s great.
Need a new hip, knees, kidney, lungs or heart?
They’re all covered.
As an added bonus, your kids can come
and visit you as often as they do now.

And who will be paying for all of this?
It’s the same government that just told
you that they cannot afford to pay for
your nursing care.

And you can get rid of 4 useless politicians
while you are at it.
Plus, because you are a prisoner you don’t
have to pay income tax.

Is this a great country or what?

Why do people call there grandma 'MeMaw' or 'MeMa'?
I hear it on TV and on the internet. Just wondering.

granny replies-
U.S. Southern states origin.
Sounds like what we now call ebonics.
Many, many years ago the extended family (grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins), lived together with the nuclear family (mom, dad, and the kids). Education was not really present in some areas and "folks" were not into speaking properly, they were busy taking care of the animals, the crops, and the children. There were no washing machines, so everything had to be washed by hand. NO stoves, someone had to gather wood for the fire in order to cook, no refrigerators, microwaves, no phones and no cars.

me= my
ma= short for maw
maw= mom
me maw/me ma to distinguish from maw (mom)

So one of the children calls out "memaw", and grandma runs to the rescue.
I have a friend, white, originally from the mountains of Missouri. We met in California, she has a master degree in sociology and her grandchildren call her meme, that is what she calls her own grandmother.
So...there you go.
The Big Bang Theory Sheldon vs Wil Wheaton.. Clash of Titans HD
Carlos Fco. Garcia·
amazing battle!!!.... season 3 episode 5..haha one of the funniest of the season!!
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Posts: 5486

PostPosted: Mon Feb 24, 2014 11:06 pm    Post subject: one-of-a-kind

The Convict, the Rookie Card and the Redemption of Gertie Thump [Kindle Edition]
Becky Lyn Rickman (Author)
Book Description
Rosedale has a thorn, and her name is Gertie Thump.

When folks see her walking down the sidewalk, they cross to the other side of the street. Gertie’s mission in life is to improve Rosedale’s citizenry through a steady stream of belittling, correction, and harassment. The only person unfazed by her campaign is the town’s deputy sheriff, Seth Randall, who has his own mission. Seth also serves as associate pastor of a local church, and he will not rest until he saves Gertie’s soul.

But redemption is a word easier said than done. Add Gertie’s childhood friend turned convict, an extremely valuable rookie baseball card, and a plate of cookies delivered with threatening messages, and you’ve got yourself a hornet’s nest of trouble...

About the Author
Becky Lyn Rickman has only had a few creative writing-type classes,
so she defers to her life experience as her credentials.
She embraces Evelyn Waugh's thoughts: "Novel-writing is a laborious trade. The raw material is every single thing one has ever seen or heard or felt, and one has to go over the vast rubbish-heap of experience, scraping and delving, until one finds a few discarded valuables."

Becky Lyn Rickman has had several lifetimes of debris
from which she chooses her characters and stories, including:
a husband that dated other women and another that dated other men.
She has had a hand in raising four biological children,
five stepchildren, and 45 foster children and now enjoy ten grandchildren
(so far).
She has also had over 70 addresses.
She has advocated for herself and others in cases of domestic and drug abuse, rape, and has worked with hospice, Special Olympics, preschool reading programs, literacy groups and drug rehab.
She also spent 15 months homeless.
In short, she has ample raw material and is constantly having to deal with unwritten or partially written novels vying for her full attention. She listens to and tries to obey the voices, otherwise, they create such a cacophony, that she is rendered helpless but to get out of bed and write...

Becky Lyn's work history is varied and colorful:
Executive Assistant, Deli Schlepper, Carpenter and Cabinetmaker,
Designer and Dressmaker, Childcare, Foster Parent, Executive Housekeeper, Executive Director of Literacy Council, Used Bookstore Maven, Entrepreneur, Botanical Apothecary Technician, among other things.
None of this may seem to qualify her as a writer,
but she would knock you down for saying so.
They have been amazing parts of her journey.
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Posts: 5486

PostPosted: Sat Mar 01, 2014 4:37 am    Post subject: yuks & yappys

The Old Lady & The Budgie (The Tornbridge Chronicles) [Kindle Edition]
Tornbridge (Author)
Book Description
In this instalment, Craig and Trevor housesit for the van der Biles, a pair of obnoxious dog fanciers who entrust our heroes with their prize winning Weimaraner whilst they attend a Lovejoy convention in Lowestoft.

Trevor’s inadvertent blocking of the Biles’ toilet, however, leads to a major plumbing catastrophe
and in order to pay for essential repairs to the Biles’ house, Trevor and Craig are forced to take on a gardening job for the glamorous Widow Mountbatter.
It’s not long before our heroes learn a terrifying truth, that the Widow’s secret to eternal youth lies in the harvesting of pets’ souls.
No pet is safe, especially not a 40kg pedigree Weimaraner.

Tornbridge's Mayor talks about the Author

Back in 2010, Mayor Kingdom and his wife, Irene advertised for a ghost-writer to work on the Tornbridge Chronicles. The brief was simple: to dramatise the many Peel journals into a series of novellas of not more than sixty pages in length - so as to not clog up the insides of the new fangled electronic books and make them overly heavy.

Were many writers considered?
"No. We only had four enquiries.
The first writer was in prison and sadly unable to commit to the project for another sixteen years.
The second was a woman from the Ukraine who insisted on marrying a British citizen as part of the deal.

The third, an enquiry from a car insurance company, was actually offering discounts on a multicar policy.
We picked the fourth because of his impressive writing credentials, his enthusiasm for the project, and because he was cheap on account of a protracted divorce."

Did he object to ghost-writing?
"Quite the opposite. He said if the cheques kept coming in, he would happily live his life wearing false breasts and answering to the name of Susan."..

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Posts: 5486

PostPosted: Thu Apr 17, 2014 12:45 pm    Post subject: 'WBI...'

WBI: Witches Bureau of Investigation [Kindle Edition]
Richard Capwell (Author)
Book Description
By chance, eleven-year-old twins Nate and Herman Howe meet Mrs. Weatherby, a retired member of the Los Angeles branch of Witches Bureau of Investigation.
The boys ask her to help find their mother, who has been missing for six months.
Reluctantly, Mrs. Weatherby agrees, though all of her licenses to work magic have expired.
She reaches out to her old colleagues, for information and assistance, but they soon uncover a dangerous plot that threatens the safety of the entire world.
The Bureau may be compromised,
so it's up to Mrs. Weatherby's band of old agents
to follow the clues and keep the horrors of history from resurfacing.
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Posts: 5486

PostPosted: Mon Apr 21, 2014 11:06 pm    Post subject: '...Hilda Hopkins, Machine Knitting Serial Killer'

Hilda Hopkins, Murder, She Knit
(Hilda Hopkins, Machine Knitting Serial Killer)
[Kindle Edition]
Vivienne Fagan (Author)
Book Description
A fast paced crime thriller with a twist, then pearl, then loop two and drop. Hilda Hopkins, the machine knitting murderess is on the run! Slipping mickey finns and strangling her gentleman guests with a knitted garrotte,
Hilda has been bounced by the local 'Sweeney'.
Her knitted dolls of each victim the most damning of evidence. Can she escape the long arm of the law before Scotland Yarn, er... Scotland Yard's finest find their fiend?
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Posts: 5486

PostPosted: Sun May 18, 2014 9:15 pm    Post subject: 'Grandma's Not A Toaster!'

Grandma's Not A Toaster!
from Andrew Napier

A short film directed by Andrew Napier & written by & starring Academy Award®-Winner Shawn Christensen. Synopsis:
A whiskey-guzzling-mother-to-be, Susannah,
tries to persuade her neurotic brother Arnie into helping her steal their ailing Grandmother’s fortune.
But things get complicated
when their degenerate younger brother, Eddie, shows up with intentions of his own.
Unfortunately for all of them,
Grandma isn’t goin’ down without a fight. ..
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Joined: Aug 24, 2007
Posts: 5486

PostPosted: Mon Jun 30, 2014 4:45 pm    Post subject: Gummint  proposed Granny flats for the Aged & Veterans ?

Buckhorn's Maximizer Collapsible Container System
Buckhorn Inc.·

Buckhorn® Inc., a leading provider of reusable plastic packaging systems,
is introducing a new class of pallet-sized,
collapsible containers featuring an integrated pallet and lid system.
Maximizer™, a revolutionary alternative for corrugated bulk container users,
is an ideal solution for shipping and storing
light-duty dry goods that maximizes productivity,
cost savings, safety, space usage and sustainability. ..

For more information, visit
Modular Granny Flats are self contained, comfortable homes
that are perfect for the retirement years.
These portable housing units are designed to be installed
on the same lot as the home of a close family member.
A Granny Flat living arrangement can provide for informal support,
companionship and security while protecting privacy and independence...
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Posts: 5486

PostPosted: Mon Aug 11, 2014 3:16 am    Post subject: the C.O.D. Club & FBI


The Call on the Dead Club [Kindle Edition]
Lorrie Unites-Struiff (Author)
Book Description
Publication Date: July 9, 2014
Come and meet Winnie Krapski
who hugged a cherry tree during a lightning storm.
The bolt slammed her, splitting the tree in half.

The near-death experience
bestowed her with a gift–one she’d rather not have.
Drafted into the C.O.D. Club (Call on the Dead)
by Fat Phil Phillips,
her mission is to grant the newly deceased’s ghost
one last reasonable request.
Can Winnie honor her oath?
Well, she tries.
But, not before she stumbles into situations that almost get her killed.
She’s one spunky broad. Follow her adventures.
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Posts: 5486

PostPosted: Sat Sep 06, 2014 3:14 am    Post subject: OutlawBiker Grandpa?

'This is the only way a smart car can look cool'
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Posts: 5486

PostPosted: Sun Nov 23, 2014 12:31 pm    Post subject: 'Ex-Men: The Care Home Wars'

Ex-Men: The Care Home Wars
from alec birkbeck

What happens
when the mutant generation
reach a certain age?
A short comedy
about the gifted residents
of this care home
and their constant battle for good & evil.
All shot on one very hot day.
Thanks to everybody that contributed to this film!
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Posts: 5486

PostPosted: Sat Nov 29, 2014 12:35 am    Post subject: Raging Canuckian Grannies' Sing-Song

Calgary Raging Grannies - Old Monsanto
Old Monsanto
Sung to the tune of "Old MacDonald"
Written by the Calgary Raging Grannies.
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Posts: 5486

PostPosted: Fri Dec 26, 2014 5:22 pm    Post subject: Attack of the 'killer crinklies'


Bingo and Bullets - The Ballad of Fat Gary Jenkins [Kindle Edition]
Mark C Sutton (Author)

Book Description
Publication Date: September 18, 2014
The 'killer crinklies' of Crabley-on-Sea are born...

Fat Gary Jenkins, an arrogant, anti-social bully and ne'er do-well, takes a particular delight in intimidating his elderly next-door neighbour's,
but the tables are suddenly turned
when he is targeted by a mysterious, mafiosa-style gang
that is made up of foul-mouthed,
highly violent, female pensioners,
all of whom
possess incredibly strange, yet exotic, nick-names, in this short prequel to the newly published 'Bingo and Bullets - Book One: The Borzelliero Bunch'

...Led by the mysterious Edna 'Big Bunn' Borzelliero, and following a Mafiosa-style hierarchy,
'The Borzelliero Bunch'
are hell-bent
on taking control of the quiet seaside town
of Crabley-on-Sea for their own personal gain.
'Bingo and Bullets' chronicles the lives and crimes of the various members of 'The Borzelliero Bunch',
such as the quick-tempered capo,
'Li'l Lil' Petrocino,
the volatile and untrustworthy psychotic,
'Ulcers' Scarpelli,
and the vicious husband-abuser,
'False-Teeth' Felnetti...

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Posts: 5486

PostPosted: Sun Jan 04, 2015 1:09 am    Post subject: 'Gran luvs a challenge'

[ she just might make it in time for GreekOrthodox Xmas on Jan 7th]


(photo via AceWayne4)
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PostPosted: Fri May 01, 2015 1:20 am    Post subject: Limey A-A ADD

Age-Activated Attention Deficit Disorder

Claude -
This shallow depiction of older people
as easily distracted and forgetful
is discriminatory and
what was I talking about?
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Posts: 5486

PostPosted: Mon Jun 08, 2015 1:53 am    Post subject: Word of endearment

c/o Anon


A little old guy is walking around in a supermarket calling
Tenderflake, Oh Tenderflake!' 

an assistant manager approaches and says,
'Sir, the
Tenderflake is in aisle 3.' 

The old guy replies, 'Oh, I'm not looking for the
cooking stuff. I'm calling my wife.
She's in here somewhere' 

The clerk is astonished. 

'Your wife's name is Tenderflake?' 

The old guy answers,
'Oh no, no, no. I only call her that
when we're out in

'I see,' said the clerk. 

'What do you call her at home?' 

'Lard ass.' 
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