How To Give A Cat A Pill.....

How To Give A Cat A Pill

1)} Pick up the cat and cradle it in the left arm as if holding a baby. Position right finger and thumb on either side of the cat’s mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens it’s mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2} Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat and repeat process. Retrieve cat from bedroom and throw soggy pill away.

3} Take new pill from the foil wrap; Cradle cat holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

4} Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call in spouse.

5} Kneel on floor with cat wedged between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted from cat. Get spouse to hold head while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat’s throat.

6} Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy a new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep up shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side.

7} Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force cat’s mouth open with a pencil and blow down drinking straw.

8} Check label on pillbox to make sure the pills are not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply plaster to spouse'’ forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water.

9} Retrieve cat from neighbour’s shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto cat’s neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with an elastic band.

10} Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check date of last Tetanus jab. Discard ruined T-shirt and fetch new one.

11} Ring Fire Brigade to retrieve cat from tree across the road. Apologise to neighbour who crashed into fence when swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill.

12} Tie cat’s front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table. Fetch heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth, followed by a large piece of fish. Hold cat’s head vertically and pour two pints of water down throat to wash pill down.

13} Get spouse to drive you to Accident & Emergency. Sit quietly while doctor stitchews fingers and forearm and removes pill fragments from eyes.

14} Arrange for RSPCA officer to collect cat and check with pet shop if they have any hamsters for sale.

The absolute truth!!!